I’ve been really wanting to return to my blog. I very much enjoy writing. And I hope that others enjoy it too, but really it is mostly for me. I just read my last post, and it was about how being kinder to yourself really is a step on the way to being kinder to others. I recently bought Axes a book called ‘What does it mean to be kind?’  And it spells out a lot of kind behaviors one of which was being willing to make mistakes and forgive yourself. Axes asked me why this was being kind. We got to have such a lovely conversation about how the way you treat yourself has a big influence on how you treat others. We didn’t talk too much about its effects on the way others treat you, but I think that is very true too. 

These coincidences- reading my post about kindness and getting Axes that book came at just the right moment. I am working very hard to be kind to myself right now. It is really difficult for me to say out loud, but lately I have been feeling very weak. Like a failure. And I tried very hard to ignore those feelings. To pretend they weren’t there. Intellectually I know there is much evidence for my strength. But the truth is there is also evidence for my weakness. And I was not being kind to myself. I wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed to. And first it started to take its toll on me in the form of many emotional and physical setbacks. And I tried to just power through. And it just got worse and worse. My body literally stopping me with immense physical pain crying out for me to take care of it. And to take care of my mind. And the truth is I started to be less kind and compassionate toward others when I was being less kind to myself. And that in turn made me think unkind thoughts about myself, since I place a very high value on kindness. A vicious cycle of unkindness. So I am relearning a lesson that I have had to learn before. That to be kind to myself is the path toward kindness to others.  When I take the time I need to figure out the ways to silence that inner critic, I am my best Alyssa.

And this has me thinking again about Axes. He struggles a lot with anxiety. Both his parents do, so not too much of a surprise. I got some really great books to help him manage it, and they’ve honestly been really helpful to me too. Our ‘worry bullies’ are different. I won’t go into his right now, but he knows that my worry bully tells me that I’m weak and I’m not good enough. That I’m not doing enough or helping enough. So go away worry bully! That’s a bunch of garbage!

I have so many other things I want to write about. Some new kitchen experiments, my renewed love for crafting, society’s messed up messages about divorce, feminism, fall, getting a dog!, books I’ve been reading, how much Axes teaches me every day, etc… so I hope I will take the time for me to do it. Because it’s fun. And it helps me to be happy, creative, and kind.

I encourage you all to do the same. Find out what you love to do and take the time to do it. You deserve it, and it is my sincere belief that following your heart and doing what you love unlocks the gift you were put here to give to the world.