I’ve been thinking about shame lately. Feel free to squirm in your seat. I flew today and was reminded of one of the activities I hated most when I was heavier. You see all those comments about how much you hated sitting next to the heavy person during the flight- I felt like you we talking about me in particular. In fact all your comments, or if you laughed at a fat joke, or if you said it was just up to personal responsibility. You were talking about me, and it meant that I was a failure. And I felt ashamed. Ashamed for who I was. That’s something I learned. Pretty early on.

Shame is a very powerful and destructive force. You can read more about that at Brene Brown’s website or in one of her excellent books.

http://brenebrown.com/my-blog/

Shame makes you feel so bad that you will do anything to get rid of those feelings. I developed a coping mechanism. I ate. It released lots of chemicals in my body that made me feel better for awhile. Eventually it got to the point that I just ate a lot all the time, so that I pretty much  was never aware of the bad feelings. I cut them off before I even realized I was having them. BTW, I didn’t realize all this until after I lost weight. I would have sworn I was not an emotional eater. That’s because you have to be aware of your emotions to know you are an emotional eater.

Another reason this has been on my mind is this article came out this week.

‘Fat Shaming’ Linked To Weight Gain

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/11/fat-shaming-weight-gain_n_5806278.html

Now the researchers themselves admit this is not a cause and effect link. I haven’t read the actual research to critique, and I am sure that there are flaws with the study. But having lived through it, I think the kernel is most likely right. Shame is no way to help people who are suffering from obesity. Because at least for me, shame was probably a root cause of my issue. And the vicious cycle of more shame as a result of my chosen coping strategy of overeating likely kept me sick longer.

So please be kind. You never know what drove people to make the choices they are making. Maybe their journey had a few more twists than yours.